Thursday, October 13, 2005
Saviour of Shock
I had just finished dinner and was returning home from the mess. The road was lonely and not a sole was to be seen. I had heard a lot of old wives tales about lonely roads so I reassured myself by straining my muscles and lifting my fists in the air - as if to ward off any offender.
As I came to a junction, I saw an old lady walking across. I, accordingly, lowered my fists and took a normal stance while still walking ahead. Just then, I heard a screech. It had me by shock and I involuntarily resumed the former high fisted form. I felt the adrenaline rushing through me as I realised that the screech was that of an oncoming car, approaching with rapid velocity. More so, it was approaching the old lady who was unwary of the oncoming peril.
Almost by reflex I found myself running towards the old lady. Thereafter the sequence of events was so rapid that all I remembered was a bright yellow flash and later on, both of us stumbling across to safety.
It must have taken me a few minutes to revive from the shock. That I did when I heard words - questioning me if I were alright. I replied that I was. When I finally regained consciousness, the first thing I did was to look for the old lady. She was nowhere to be seen; apparently she had gotten away safely. Two kind men had arrived on the scene and they helped me to their car. I noticed that I was feeling rather weak from the stumble and my vision had gotten blurred - apparantly from the high adrenaline rush that I had had. However none of these seemed to bother me because I was filled with the contentment and ecstasy of having saved a life.
I gave them directions and they took me home. It seemed that I had lost my keys in the accident but the men helped me open the door. The two men interrogated me briefly inquiring whether I was alright. Once they were convinced that I was, they left. I felt for my wallet but it was missing too. It did not matter much since there was not much money in it. Unfazed, I walked to the basin to clean up. Then as I looked into the mirror, things suddenly started getting clearer and clearly - overwhelmingly shocking!
As I remembered the occurrences during the stumble, I recalled the old lady fleeing her body as I still held her in the protection of my arms. The state of shock, which I had experienced, was apparently, a trance wherein her soul had consumed my body. I also recalled a boy running away looking euphoric to the extent of mania. I knew the boy - it was I ... or least, the body was mine. More so, the car that the two men helped me get into was the very car that I had seen approaching.
The only thing that I did not remember was the face that I now wore. It was a completely unknown, a completely new face. However new to me, it was old and seemed wrinkled. As the other soul took over me, I was forced to assume the only body available and unoccupied by a soul. It was that of the old lady.
Final Thoughts
I had rented it for a day, for a special purpose. My eyes lusted its gleaming blackness. A brilliant piece of machinery it was. One of the best of its kind.I had thought of other means but had no guts to go by them. Had I enough guts, this day may not have ended up this way. Over the past few weeks and odd, I had done a lot of reckoning. The thoughts had brought me to this conclusion.
I reached for the handle and pulled it towards myself. It was a heavy and strenuous task - more to the mind than to the body. I did not want to do this but it seemed like the only option. And while my eyes shut with reluctance, my fingers dutifully pushed a lever. Out sprang an empty magazine and I, with rising pulse, inserted in it - a sole bullet. As my pulse raced higher, the motion of my hand kept on getting more involuntary, more mechanical, more cruel. With tensed eyes I saw my hands fitting the magazine back into the revolver and rotating it.
And then ... came the most dreadful moments of my life as I felt the nozzle - cold and inanimate pushing onto my temple and suddenly, I was teleported. Into my childhood I went and events followed just as I remembered them. Only more real, like I was a spectator witnessing the events. More so like a judge - on the brink of a judgement. And as I saw, for the first time in my life, from the eyes of a stern but just man, the complete picture of my life flashed before me, there was but one thing to do. I pulled the trigger and
...... There was momentarily an uncanny silence. No thoughts , No Remorse.
Then a snap was heard. It was an empty shot. I felt sweat dripping form my head. I felt heartbeats even at my fingertips. And as the gun dropped form my hand, I had a revelation. That chance had given me an opportunity to turn it all around. The chanced empty shot was hardly a reason yet a strong one to start straightening up my life. I had my work cut out but that would be fine because I knew how I would not end up.
